Damaged Goods

My wife and I have been watching Netflix's excellent "Thirteen Reasons Why," a painful look at teen suicide.  I highly recommend it despite its subject matter.

If you're wondering why we would spend thirteen hours watching a television show about teen bullying and suicide you'd  have to at least watch the first episode to find the answer. 

As a synopsis, the series centers on  Clay Jensen and Hannah Baker, two high school junior classmates who are brought together by her suicide two weeks earlier.  Clay discovers the reason through a series of cassette tapes recorded by Hannah which explain in painful detail  the thirteen people responsible for her death.  One of which is Clay.

My biggest fear was thinking I wouldn't want to invest myself in a story that gives away the ending within the first ten minutes.  But knowing the ending doesn't tell you why she committed suicide and why someone like Clay, who was her best friend and one the nicest people she met at school, would be one of the thirteen reasons why.

And wanting to know the reason why kept us coming back until the bitter end.

So obviously there must be another reason why I feel the need to mention this Netflix series.  I'm not considering another career as a movie critic, although it has been a passing fancy of mine from time to time.  But with all the crap that has made its way out of Hollywood lately, I don't think I'd be very good at it.  I'd be like a food critic that every restaurant hates, or theatre critic that dies at the hands of a disgruntled actor (I can hear the mournful refrains of Murder She Wrote somewhere in my head.)

I mention it because of a couple of reasons --

First, suicide seems to touch us all.  There are over 30,000 suicides every year in the United States.  I've known two people in my life who have committed suicide, a business associate who locked himself in his garage with the car running, and just last weekend, a high school classmate who shot himself.  He was fifty-eight years old.  To those on the outside, their suicides are a shock and surprise.  Both people seemed to be successful, not that guarantees happiness.  But it showed me -- and I can only speak for myself -- that there is unfortunately a very dark side to people that they keep hidden to themselves.

It's also very difficult to understand how someone can be so depressed and distraught that they can see no other way through the pain and blackness of depression, and instead chose to end their lives.  Some of it is the result of pain, other times, to hurt those left behind.

Another reason I mention 13 Reasons Why is to comment on high school, and by extension, college culture.  The characters that Hannah credits with her death are fictional, but typical of every high school and college in existence.  Groups of jocks, cheerleaders and smart kids promote unwanted, aggressive behavior among school aged children that involves a real power imbalance.  This imbalance allows students to make threats, spread rumors, attack someone physically or verbally, and exclude someone from a group on purpose.  I'm sure today's bullying is worse than ever, with the prevalence of social media and cell phones.

During a 30 minute epilogue following 13 Reasons Why,  its producer, director and actors talked about how challenging, but necessary it was to tell Hannah's story.  The discussion centered on how to stop bullying and how to recognize someone in trouble.  The real life characters are heard saying that the series had opened their eyes to the many ways students are bullied, and that all of us -- students, teachers and parents -- need to be more sensitive to those who are traumatized by speech and actions they find "hurtful" and "threatening."

This is an area where I see a lot of gray, whereas the producers (and school administrators and lawyers in real life) see black and white.  Yes, bullying is bad and can lead to tragic ends either through suicide or mass shootings.  Every effort should be made to stand up to bullying by supporting those being attacked, and by challenging bullies to stop.  Everyone can agree with that.  But by removing all hurtful and threatening actions you are not only asking for the impossible, but aren't you also contributing to the "snowflake mentality" that is becoming a problem in high school and college.  Despite the desire by many to make school a safe place, it will never be possible.  You can't make an environment populated by different sexes, cultures and ages into another "home"where you can shut your bedroom door and feel safe.

Wouldn't it be better to help students cope with bullying by strengthening their self esteem -- not by removing anything that is hurtful, but by teaching them how to respect other people and their opinions.  I don't want to make suicide political, but how is removing reality from school going to help anyone cope later in life?  Bullying is not going to go away -- despite excellent movies like 13 Reasons Why.  Let's give those in trouble tools that will not only save their lives, but maybe those who later feel guilty about their actions.

My final reason to mention 13 Reasons Why has to do with religion.  Not once during the thirteen hours is anyone shown talking to a priest or pastor about depression or suicide.  Since there is nothing shown of her funeral, we don't know if she was religious or not.  The same for her parents.  I suspect not.  Which is too bad, because faith would certainly have helped.  Either as a deterrent to suicide or as a coping mechanism for those left behind wondering "why did she do it?"

Most thoughts of suicide are associated with depression.  If you look at symptoms of depression, they include feeling empty, hopeless, guilty and worthless.

In contrast, I've always thought my belief in God gave me hope, filled an emptiness inside and made me feel blessed to have his love and protection.  Wouldn't you think that someone who had a strong belief in God would be less likely to feel vulnerable to bullying?  Less likely to commit suicide?  There is a tremendous amount of confidence you get from knowing you have God on your side.

Which brings to light another problem we have today:  why have we removed all mention of God from schools and holidays?  Instead of Christmas, students have winter break.  Schools have removed prayer from sporting events and from graduation for fear of upsetting some atheist or other non-religious group.   It's alright to have a day dedicated to diversity, to understand sexual identity, race and multicultural differences, but heaven forbid that they show any acceptance of a religious belief.  What a shame schools have removed one of the best ways to develop character and confidence, important traits useful in combating suicide.good

It's also a shame the author of 13 Reasons Why and its Netflix producers couldn't find any reason to give hope to many students who may be considering suicide through a relationship with God.

In that regard, despite being a highly recommended study in teenage behavior, I have to give it a failing grade.

The Wisconsin Experience

Sports are one of my escapes during the long and cold winter months.  I need something to justify the high cost of cable television, and during the months between September and April, sports is the ticket.  The hours of enjoyment will never be understood by my wife, who finds her own winter solace in watching cooking shows.  To each their own.

Unfortunately, the end of football and basketball seasons are also two of the toughest times of the year.  It means the end of irrational hope, misplaced optimism, and heart-stopping plays that prolong the season for another game.  Or not.

For the Green Bay Packers and their fans, there was the heroics of Aaron Rogers against the Dallas Cowboys in the NFC playoffs.  For the Badgers and the few basketball junkies still awake after eleven o'clock on a Friday night in March, there was the epic March madness between Florida and Wisconsin.

Associated Press photo

The state of Wisconsin was celebrating wildly after the Packers beat Dallas, not so much after the Badgers lost to the upstart Gators.

For those who have been captivated by the continuous meltdown of CNN -- or who were sleeping in your beds that night --  Zach Showalter tied the game with an improbable, off-balance three pointer at the end of regulation.  In a moment of jubilant celebration, he mimicked the championship belt move made famous by Aaron Rogers who was sitting in the audience.  But the celebration would not last. Four minutes, fifty-six seconds later, Chris Chiozza raced full court and launched a game-winning three as the buzzer sounded, giving the Florida Gators an 84-83 overtime victory over the Wisconsin Badgers in a hard-fought Sweet Sixteen match-up.

Higher than a teenager getting his first kiss from a girl one minute -- lower than Hillary Clinton losing to Trump the next.

There is no greater way to etch a moment like this in time than during "March Madness" -- often called the greatest sporting event of all -- when college basketball awakens from it's three-month, conference slumber to become something bigger than life.  A buzzer-beater, like the one launched by Chris Chiozza, will be played again and again during future basketball promos and painfully -- at least for this Badger fan -- during this year's penultimate One Shining Moment. 

"But time is short
And the road is long
In the blinking of an eye
Ah, that moment's gone
Win or lose
You always did your best
Cuz inside you knew...
(that) one shining moment you reached deep inside
One shining moment, you knew you were alive."

Such is the way of sports in Wisconsin when the dark and cold months of winter call, only to be replaced by the eventual hope and rebirth of spring and melting snow.


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Speaking of rebirth, much has been written about this year's basketball team -- a roster of 4 seniors -- who have combined for 115 wins over the last four seasons, including 13 NCAA tournament wins, four Sweet 16 appearances and two Final Four appearances.  The group's success was unprecedented -- on par with a few blue-blood programs like Duke, North Carolina and Kentucky.  To put Wisconsin consistently in the same category is foolishness, and yet -- here we are.

In recent years, the Badgers have been able to match up -- and in all cases -- actually defeat the North Carolina's, Kentucky's, Villanova's and Duke's of the college basketball world.  These are programs loaded with All-Americans and future NBA lottery picks.  Everyone of them a match-up of  biblical proportions -- David versus Goliath.  And yet --  it's happened so many times that even this unbeliever is beginning to believe.

It's attributed to the work of this senior class and the players that have come before them.  Sam Dekker, Frank Kaminsky, Michael Finley, Jon Leuer and Alando Tucker.  It's also the result of two of the best coaches Wisconsin basketball has ever had -- Dick Bennett and Bo Ryan -- and I would add Greg Gard, their current coach. 

This renaissance to a Badger program, mired for so long in mediocrity, began in 1995.   College sports, being what they are, provides no guarantee that your team will be any good after graduations and transfers.  And yet Wisconsin remains a basketball program built on a successful foundation started by Dick Bennett who was coach when the Badgers moved into their new basketball arena, the Kohl Center.

Back in 1995, before the floor was put down in the new center, Dick Bennett gathered his team together for a special meeting that has to put his team, and those who have followed, on it's current track.

"Before the flooring went in," says Bennett during a rare interview with ESPN, "I asked if I could put a laminated card in the foundation.  Particularly in the practice area because that's where it would be taught."

The laminated card held five words:  Humility.  Passion.  Unity.  Servanthood.  Thankfulness.

Those five words were put deep down in the sand and dirt.  Before the cement was laid, and before the flooring was put down.  It became the foundation of not just the building, but of the Wisconsin basketball program.

Coach Bennett adds, "I had our players around.  I said this is what this program -- at least while I am around -- will be built on.  I know I've tried to do that.  Bo Ryan did it in his own way and Greg Gard is learning to do it his way.  Not because I said so, but because there is a spirit that I think is present in the teaching and play of Wisconsin Badger's basketball and I'm so happy to be a part of that."

It's hard to believe that five simple words could have such an impact on a program.  They are certainly not words that bring attention to an athlete's ability or skill.  Strength, drive, aggressiveness, focus and emotion, maybe.  But humility?  Servanthood? And thankfulness?  What kind of a sports program focuses on those?

Every year, players come from different parts of the country.  Each one comes from a different background and family structure.  Even our coaches come from different schools, and bring different formulas for winning.  It's a roster of people that's always changing.

And yet, here we are.  Another Sweet 16.

Is Wisconsin basketball really that different?  I'm way too biased to be able to answer that question fairly.  Of course they're different.  I do know this however:  it's not easy getting into Wisconsin.  Grades come first, athletics second.  I've read many recruits say that the education available at Wisconsin played a big part in their decision.

We are also one of a few programs that consistently have juniors and seniors on their team.  So they are loyal to each other.  But it also means that a player will redshirt his first year and then sit on the bench until it's his turn to play.  How many successful players are willing to wait their turn and support the players ahead of them?  Certainly not the ones that go to Duke or North Carolina.  They want to play now.

Occasionally, a Sam Decker comes a long who has a breakout season and heads to the NBA.  Despite an occasional defection to the NBA, one of the reasons Wisconsin does well is because of experience.  It shows in close games and it showed in the upset of Villanova two weekends ago.

We are also one of the few teams to have two or three or more white players starting.  It's not a racist thing, and I'm not trying to say the black athletes aren't smart enough to come to Wisconsin.  I can say however, that the game is played differently by white players.  Look at the European style of basketball.  There is more emphasis on teaching, on sharing and passing of the ball.  The tempo is slower and turnovers are fewer.  Not the drive and penetrate style you find on the streets of America.  There is less ME and more US with Wisconsin players.

In contrast, a team like Duke has a player named Grayson Allen who was suspended for a few games this year for tripping players when he gets frustrated or angry.  And a team like Kentucky -- which fields five new starters every year -- doesn't have the unity that comes from playing for four or five years.  No, every year, Kentucky's starting five will drop the textbooks and head to the NBA.

Humility.  Passion.  Unity.  Servanthood.  Thankfulness

Whatever the reason, Wisconsin basketball is in a class by itself.  Their winning ways -- combined with the football team -- has launched a period of time that is truly unrivaled in college sports.  The Duke's, Kentucky's, Michigan's and Ohio State's are great teams in their own way, but fall short when compared to Wisconsin.   They excel at football or basketball, but rarely both.

As a USA Today's sportswriter recently wrote -- "The Badgers own one of the most impressive active streaks in sports:  Wisconsin has reached a bowl game and the NCAA tournament in each of the past 15 years, absolutely dwarfing the next-longest active stretch in college sports.  This year was no different, as the football team won a New Year's Six Bowl and the basketball squad reached the Sweet 16 before being knocked off by Florida."


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As this year's presidential election proved in more ways than one, ignoring the middle of the country comes with risk.   I don't think Virginia Tech and Villanova ignored Wisconsin, but I do believe they thought the Badgers were vulnerable after a late season swoon and a new head coach.  Perhaps they Badgers greatest strength comes from being under-estimated.  My own experience has taught me not to take a lesser opponent lightly.  It's a life lesson I take with me everyday at work and at play.

The broadcast people behind "The Road to the Final Four" know this better than anyone.  March Madness wouldn't be nearly as popular if the better seeds won every time.  It's the unexpected upset that gives the underdog hope against a better opponent, in search of the holy grail of basketball, their very own "One Shining Moment."

The Basketball Ides of March

The gym lights gleam like a beacon beam
And a million motors hum
In a good will flight on a Friday night;
For basketball beckons, "Come!"
A sharp-shooting mite is king tonight.
The Madness of March is running.
The winged feet fly, the ball sails high
And field goal hunters are gunning.

The colors clash as silk suits flash
And race on a shimmering floor.
Repressions die, and partisans vie
In a goal acclaiming roar.
On a Championship Trail toward a holy grail,
All fans are birds of a feather.
It's fiesta night and cares lie light
When the air is full of leather.

Since time began, the instincts of man
Prove cave and current men kin.
On tournament night the sage and the wight
Are relatives under the skin.
It's festival time, sans reason or rhyme
But with nation-wide appeal.
In a cyclone of hate, our ship of state
Rides high on an even keel.

With war nerves tense, the final defense
Is the courage, strength and will
In a million lives where freedom thrives
And liberty lingers still.
Now eagles fly and heroes die
Beneath some foreign arch
Let their sons tread where hate is