Home Away From Home

At 5 feet tall, and weighing less than 110 pounds, she hardly seemed capable of having much of an impact. 

If we were talking football, she wouldn't survive a single hit.  Call the doctor, get an ambulance and prep the operating room. But if we were talking matters of the heart, it was another story.  Like a much loved daughter, her presence could melt away the worries of a busy work day and make you glad she was with you.

Little did we know when we met Ahn Jae-hyun on a cold January evening in 2013 that she would affect us in such a personal way. 

 

She was the first student we hosted as part of La Crosse Friends of International Students (LFIS), an organization that connects students from around the world with a host family and the La Crosse community.  Unlike foreign exchange programs where students live with you, La Crosse Friends of International Students simply provides support to foreign students needing a friendly face, adjusting to college life while away from home.  It's a connection to each student needing a friendly face in new surroundings -- getting back and forth to the airport,  hosting a much-needed home meal, getting out on the river,  traveling during the holidays with family, or making a simple phone call when someone loses a filling in a tooth.

LFIS was something new for us, and served as a way to keep young people in our lives after both of our sons left the house to pursue college, jobs and lives of their own.  Hosting a foreign student -- from another country, with a new language, culture and cuisine -- was simply icing on the cake. 

Liz and I have always enjoyed watching travel videos to exciting places in Europe like Norway, Scotland, Croatia, Slovenia and Spain.  We've been fortunate enough to travel to France, Germany, Austria, the Czech Republic, Ireland, Canada and Mexico.  Hosting these international students has simply been an extension of those journeys and allowed us to enjoy different cultures in person.

Ahn Jae-hyun was born in Busan, South Korea, the younger of two sisters.  Busan is the second largest city in South Korea with more than 3.6 million inhabitants.

I can't imagine what it must be like to travel from such a large city to a foreign country (even one as friendly as the United States), cope with a strange language, adapt to a different culture, time zone and food, earn money without working, and make new friends.  And once you have a handle on all of that, you still have to study and pass college-level courses, often taught in English.  I always assumed our language was taught as a second language to many foreign students, but even when they know enough to greet you, there is still a jump from reading it in a textbook to actually being able to talk and understand someone else speaking it. 

Ahn Jae-hyun, like other students from Asia, was one of those who struggled with her English.  So it was always an adventure with her, although by her fourth year she was much improved.  Every year she would return to UW-L with a better grasp of our language, which made getting out into the community that much easier.  Nothing made me laugh like watching her nod to a question I asked and then realize that she had no idea what I just said.  It's still funny! 

 

Since joining La Crosse Friends of International Students we have welcomed 6 other students from South Korea, China, Denmark and Great Britain.  Despite different countries, languages and cultures, their similarities overcame their differences.

What were they like?

With the exception of one, they all came from large cities  - not Minneapolis or Chicago big with 2 or 3 million people, but really big.  As in 24 million -- or 3,854 people per square kilometer in the city of Shanghai.  Applying the same number of people per mile to La Crosse, that would increase our population three times per square mile.

I often wonder why they chose to visit our little city, located in the middle of America, in a rural state with farmland and rolling hills. La Crosse isn't an urban center with racial diversity, a variety of musical entertainment or ethnic neighborhoods that you can find in the larger cities.   I asked Lydia Xu from Shanghai, China if she was ever able to be alone in China.  She laughed.  With such a large population, there is no getting away.  A nice quiet walk by yourself.  I wonder who would have a harder time adjusting, me walking through Seoul, Korea on a typical rush hour morning or Min Park walking through the marsh area during a quiet Sunday afternoon.

Ah, the simple things we take for granted...

As students, they all shared equally in struggles that came from tests and homework.  Some seemed to study all the time -- and I mean ALL the time -- while others where involved in sports which kept them occupied when they weren't studying or taking tests.

To our knowledge, they all did well in school, and three actually graduated from college during their time with us.  Watching them cross the stage to accept their diploma was as exciting as watching our own children.  We were lucky enough to have Ahn Jae-hyun's mom and sister make the trip to La Crosse in December for her graduation from UW-L.

Some were talented in singing or piano, others in volleyball and soccer. Their extracurricular activities only amplified our enjoyment -- I mean, it's hard to sit in on a chemistry class, but easy to watch a game of soccer or attend a musical performance.

Another thing in common was their desire to travel.  As young adults -- with family or classmates -- they had traveled through parts of Europe and Asia with the ease that Liz and I have in driving from La Crosse to Madison.  Whenever there was a break from school -- Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas --  the students from China and Denmark would travel to Chicago, New York City, Tampa and Los Angeles.  A few returned home to see family, but that was probably because they needed money or a hug from mom.  Home would always be there, but not the Big Apple or Windy City.

Liz and I were always amazed at their willingness to fly cross-country by themselves, and somehow navigate a strange city in a strange country, and be back in class by the following Monday.

Marianne Larsen and Jonas Rasmussen -- who were with us for only 6 months -- seemed to handle our language and culture very well.  In fact of all our students, they seemed the most adept at fitting in at UW-L.  I always had the feeling they were here just to experience America and move on to their next adventure.  In the years since they left, Jonas has continued to search for his "next" adventure by bungy jumping from the Bloukrans -- the world's highest bungy-jumping bridge --  or parachuting from a plane in South Africa.  In the world of extreme sports, La Crosse doesn't have much to offer, unless you want to consider rock climbing Grandads Bluff as an opener.  Otherwise, not much to raise the hair on the back of your neck...

Speaking of celebrations and holidays, we've always tried to find out something about each student's culture, how they spend holidays and birthdays.  What food is served?

As a midwestern boy of simple means, I grew up eating mac and cheese, applesauce and beans, and cheeseburgers  (hold the pickles and onions!).  With each new student, I am reminded of how different we are --  language is the first thing you notice, but a close second has to be food.  It didn't take long to realize Asians don't eat birthday cakes with sweet frosting (with the exception of Joe who always had an appetite).  Liz is always excited about getting students together in our kitchen to prepare a meal that reminds them of home -- rice, noodles and vegetables.  She even found a bar on the North side of La Crosse that serves a bowl of Korean food on Friday nights (I've discovered kimchi, bibimbap and bulgogi has a way of growing on you).

Lydia Xu -- currently attending Viterbo University -- has an interesting appetite (to say the least) that consists of chicken butts (yes!), intestines, tripe, eels and anything that swims.  But she will pick at a plate of cheese, not convinced that goat cheese is up to her standards.

I am certain that one of my biggest challenges, should we visit Lydia or Jae Hyun, would be the food.  The only unknown is how much weight I would lose while visiting.

Our students from Denmark gave us a bottle of Gammel Dansk (bitter dram) complete with a sing-along for the holidays.    The taste reminds me of a combination of licorice and chili.  According to Wikipedia, is is one of the most recognizable strong bitter alcoholic beverages on the Danish market.  The bottle reads "for godt om jorgensen, efter dagens don't, under jagrten, pa fisketuren elder som aperitif (enjoyable in the morning, after a days work, when hunting or fishing, or as an aperitif ).

When hunting or fishing?  Seriously?  Marianne and Jonas, don't take offense, but there is still some left, despite sharing a full shot glass every Christmas.

 

As an old dog who struggles to learn new tricks, I am nonetheless thrilled that we have been able to stay in touch with almost every one of our students, through Facebook, KakaoTalk and WhatsApp.  The thrill of hearing from Jae Hyun or Lydia from their home on a Saturday morning while driving to the gym to work out is more than enough to stop us in our tracks.  Then again it may not take too much (that's a reminder, Jae Hyun, to text your U.S. "mom" every Saturday around 8 a.m.)

But seriously, despite the distance between us and our friends around the globe, it is such a blast talking to them, whether by text or video, as has happened with Emma Morris, who remains in the states, going to graduate school in Ohio.  Emma has a full plate -- in addition to studying for grad school, she is an assistant soccer coach for Heidelberg University in Tiffin Ohio.   That privilege means hours in a car recruiting new soccer players.  As a way to pass time, we have talked via video on Facebook to pass time.  Well, maybe for her.  But for us, we are keeping up-to-date with someone we miss who has left the friendly confines of La Crosse for a much more challenging adventure.

At a time when our own country is at odds over everything -- politics, race and even sports, it's nice to know that these young students offer hope for a bright future.

Bringing these students into our lives reminds us how big our world is -- it's easy to think everyone is like those we see everyday.  They are a reminder that we live in a world full of different people.  People with different faces, different appetites (I'm talking to you Lydia!), different cultures and different expectations. College has always been about learning.  How fun it has been to take that learning experience into our homes and lives as though we were freshmen attending college ourselves!

Thanks to all of you who have enriched our lives with the enthusiasm and perspective of your music, food and customs.  You are all special to us -- until we meet again!

Jae Hyun - Busan, South Korea
Linghao Zhou -- Wuhan, China
Min Park - Seoul, Korea
Marianne Larsen and Jonas Rasmussen -- Denmark
Emma Morris -- Richmond, Great Britain
Lydia Xu -- Shanghai, China